DUCK AND COVER first…
The following is a Keith Olbermann transcript from his February 27, 2007 Countdown program on MSNBC.
“It’s been tough to explain even to a serious baseball fan how something like steroids or human growth hormone can make it possible for a player to hit 10 more home runs a season, or 20 or 30, but the impact of illegal performance enhancers just got a little clearer, thanks to news about the shoe size of Barry Bonds. When Bonds first joined the Giants in 1993, he wore size 10.5 cleats. He now wears size 13.
His 1993 Giants hat was a size 7 1/8th. He now wears a 7 ½, even after having shaved his head. Ordinarily the head and feet of adult humans do not grow any further past the age of 21 or 22. Bonds is now 42. A possible alternate explanation to drug use, that Bonds has been exposed to atomic radiation and will soon grow to the size of the Empire State Building. The information is included in the new revised paperback version of the book “Game of Shadows,” by San Francisco Chronicle reporters Lance Williams and Mark Fainaru-Wada (ph).”
This is not the first time that Major League Baseball has experienced the phenomenon. Records show that the 1957 Brooklyn Dodgers had a back-up first baseman named Glenn “Light Colonel” Manning. Because of the veneration of good looks in Los Angeles, the Dodgers chose not to take him west with the team in 1958. Glenn went on to have a worthy career as an actor in “B” movies until he moved to Europe in 1972.
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Most players found Glenn’s pre-game habit of playing with doll furniture more than odd. That he would swaddle himself in a loin cloth constructed from bath towels angered his fellow Dodgers.
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Another sticking point with the regulars was Glenn’s hatred of needles. A crying jag would usually precede the attempt by the team trainers to deliver a B-12 shot.
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His fiance, Carol Forrest, never failed to interest the big lug in domestic adventures. Glenn loved her because she never brought up his weight problem.
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Carol began her love affair with baseball when she saw her father pitch for the Moline entry in the Three I League. He had taught her the roundhouse curve and the let-up which she used when tossing BP to Glenn so he could overcome his affinity for the slow stuff.
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Glenn knew only how to play the hard-nosed brand of baseball.
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His temper was as short as he was tall.
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Images: (ball card) en.wikipedia.org; (background in card) autographsmovieposters.com; (hypomen) alamut.com; (Stare at hypo men) fantascienza.com;(road trip) autographsmovieposters.com; (BP) fantascienza.com; (steam) & (foui) & (temper) fantascienza.com; (bats) baseballhalloffame.org & a-wddingday.com; (hat) weplay.com; (mitt) hagenspan.com; (character name recall) IMDb.com
Please find the entire transcript at MSNBC.