• Mars Buying Wrigley For $23 Billion With Financing From Buffett–Yahoo headline, April 28, 2008
Several reasons make this move sensible and dangerous.
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In 1962, Topps Bubble Gum cards introduced MARS ATTACKS.
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These warrior creatures wanted to rule Earth.
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Humans received no mercy during the conquest.
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In 1996, Tim Burton brought the Topps concept to the silver screen in
MARS ATTACKS.
Without protective suits and helmets, the Martians were only able to breathe by chewing a nitrogen-rich gum.
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Because of a dearth of the life-giving chewing gum, extra-vehicular activities were limited to secret agents.
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With the purchase of the Wrigley Chewing Gum Company, the Martians will be able to increase by millions the numbers of their kind who may secretly walk the earth and destroy the world without firing a shot.
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We can only pray that the new owner of the Chicago Tribune will not sell his Wrigley Field to these fiends who will be able to draw crowds of 40,000 souls in anticipation of wholesale slaughter.
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Infiltration will be immediate and non-threatening.
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Is he the man responsible for financing this travesty?
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Soon all memory will be replaced by a Stalinesque re-write of history.
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Images: (box) normansaunders.com; (Card #1) bigpicture.typepad.com;(Card #33) marsattacksfan.com; (blonde Martian) alicia-logic.com; (Blonde Martian without wig) datacorps.sciflicks.com via undergroundmews.com;
(ad) loc.gov(Wrigley Field) cub-fans.com; saucers- via moviemonstermuseum.com (fans)-martian via starwares.com; bleacher fans via mlb.mlb.com;(statue of Banks) AP Photo via signonsandiego.com; (Buffett) ecx.images-amazon.com via target.com